I couldn't have written this with the beginning of the new year as most people did, cuz I still wanted to make sure that this isn't just a sweet dream I will wake up from sometime to find that the worst year of my - as well as so many others' - life isn't over yet, today I realized: It is over!..
It was certainly I year I'd never miss. A year, full of mess. A year, with the worst things that could ever overcome, very few happy moments, if not less.
2009: You were a year that I was forced to let go of many happy moments I would have had much better... I was forced to turn down the volume of my dreams, dreams of yesteryears, to see them shattering before my eyes, turning from fantasies to broken dreams.
2009: Do you know how many people have I lost through you? How many MORE people have lost me through you? Since January 1st human losses started. Not just in the unlike anything ever Gaza War, but human losses of my unhappy life for a long time.
2009: You might defend yourself by reminding me of some - few - happy moments or successes you brought me, I'd say if it weren't for them from God's sacred generosity I would have fallen off from my pedestal with the only thing I still own: Dignity. So let me go on:
2009: Do you know how many times have I cried myself to sleep through you? Do you know how many times have I seen a dream of mine coming true then suddenly turning to a fading shadow without any sympathy or even understandable, acceptable or bearable rationalizations?!! Do you know how big were my losses that I can't count, all only &exclusively through your bad a**??? Nobody can ever know... Neither can you, year of the worst.
So now 2009, after clearly declaring that you were the worst way for the first decade of the third millennium of history to end, allow me - or don't I don't care - to proudly throw you to the devil's throat of my memory's history, and ask history to never repeat you again, singing Fairuz: Tenzakar Ma Ten3ad, Kel Far7a w Ba3da 7daad...
TFOOOOOOOOOOOO 2009, may God leave your remembrance with no existence.
Moody!..
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